1) First, set the scene. Occasionally whine and moan to your husband how you miss the Great Lakes, how you're dying to swim, how you dream of cool, clear water...Ignore him when he (mildly) mentions that hello? You live near an ocean and there's a river in your front yard. Sigh heavily and mournfully when pools come on the television. (This is especially useful if you watch a lot of CSI: Miami.)
2) Next, pray for a heatwave.
3) When your husband finally mentions that Store X has a sale on pools and maybe you want to come check it out? Don't jump up and down and don't run and get your paperwork that clearly shows that Store Z has a better price or flash your handful of recommendations of brands and sizes. Now is not yet the time.
4) Be delighted. Even when his idea of a pool is three sizes smaller than yours. Remember, first ideas are adjustable, and you have all those recs and facts and figures to back yours up with.
5) Buy pool. Drag pool home. Be glad you brought the big car and the strong husband - because baby, those things are heavy.
6) Pick out spot on lawn that looks level. Watch DVD of pool installation video several times until you notice you're humming the kicky little music under your breath. Go outside, full of vim and vigor (and that kicky little song.) and unfold the pool. Begin filling the pool. Curse a few times, teaching the impressionable children near you new words that you'll regret later.
7) Really curse a few minutes later, when it becomes apparent that the level spot in the yard? Wasn't level, damn it. Open stopcocks and empty pool.
The next day:
8) Move pool. Measure out sixteen foot circle and spray paint it. Stand in middle of circle and wonder what exactly the hell you thought you were doing. Think sad thoughts about your lawn while husband gathers shovels, turf cutters, a level, string, several screwdrivers and mutters about using the roto-tiller. Wonder to yourself how on earth one levels a lawn, and begin to suspect you won't like the answer.
9) In a few hours, when all the turf has been cut out of the circle, know you hate the answer. Stare at the brown hole of doom, and weep bitter tears. Wonder where on earth you're supposed to put the grass that's been moved.
Begin to believe this was a mistake.
10) After six hours of shoveling, raking, attempting to level, and hissing through your teeth 'No, you can't play with the shovel right now' to your terminally bored offspring, figure THE HELL WITH THIS and go inside. Where you'll discover you look like you've been rolling in mud and your sun allergy has come out full force. Spend night itching and trying not to scratch.
The next day:
11) After much coffee and glasses of mango-papaya-orange juice (because isn't that what they drink on CSI: Miami?) look outside at the circle and discover it is by no means level. Send husband to work on it, because you will absolutely break down if forced to go out there again.
12) Wait for load of sand to come. And wait. Aaaaand....wait.
Wonder if you'll ever enjoy this pool so much you'll forget all this. Nah. This is going to be rattling around in your head for a long time.
Future steps: Spread sand in hole, level sand, set up pool (again), have fire truck come over and fill pool. You can guess which one my kids are looking forward to.
This is an original Canada Moms Blog post. Jessica is the proud owner of a 16 foot dustbowl in her yard. She blogs at daysgoby when not pestering her forgiving husband and hoping someday to have a pool that she can actually swim in.